#1: Cat Lady
I have jokingly referred to myself as the cat lady a few times, but it still bothers me. I have two cats because it would be unfair in my current living situation for me to have a dog, and it's nice to have living things at home who love you just because you feed them. But owning cats, if you are a single woman, seems to make people believe that you will never get married or have a relationship or be happy. You are doomed to be alone and miserable. Would people think the same thing if you had dogs? Birds? Fish? Which pet is it that paints a single woman as desirable and happy? In what I think was an attempt to make amends the other day, my dad saw my cats and said, "Your kids look good, Steph." Dear Dad: my cats are not children and I do not view them as such. I do not own "I love cats" anything, I do not call my cats my "fur babies", and I am far less obsessed with them than you are with your dogs, or with anyone else's dog for that matter. Get over it.
#2: Strong and Independent=Gay
I can't even tell you the number of times that people have assumed I'm gay. Their reasons vary, but the bottom line is that I turned the corner from north of 20 to south of 30 without getting married or at least accidentally getting pregnant. Other reasons include: I own power tools; I know how to use said power tools, and do; I drive a truck; I do a lot of my own repairs; I like to build things. In other words, I don't depend on a man to do the traditional man things. I suck it up and do it myself, because that's the kind of person I am. I am 100% attracted to men, but I am 0% reliant upon them. Chivalry isn't dead, and I will by all means let a man hold the door open for me, and melt on the spot if he carries my stuff up the stairs for me, but if I end up with a guy who cooks and hates to fix things, that's fine too.
But why does it even matter? Why does everyone have to know who everyone else is attracted to? Frankly, unless you're interested in dating me or in setting me up with someone awesome, I don't think it's any of your business. And your preference is none of my business either.
#3: Driven=Bitchy
I am married to my job. It's a happier marriage than a lot of others I've seen. I will skip or turn down a date if it means backing out on a job responsibility. I have a life, too, but a lot of people fail to understand just how important my job is to me. Because the name on my degree and my teaching license is my current last name, I plan to keep it if and when I get married. It's mine and I like it. People have called me "bitchy" because of this. I had no idea that retaining one's identity made them mean or hateful or less supportive as a spouse.
#4: Alone is Miserable
A lot of people that I know have a hard time being alone. They won't eat in a restaurant alone, or go to the movies alone. I have no problem doing either. Alone is one of my favorite ways to travel. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being alone. Would I be absolutely thrilled to find a boyfriend to have fun with? A man to spend the rest of my life with? You bet. But do I have to be in a relationship to be happy? Of course not. I know this video has been circulating for a long time, but it says it so much better than I ever could. It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Enjoy:
#5: Marriage is Maturity
Why is a person suddenly more grown up just because they're married? While many of my friends in college were planning their weddings, I was planning my mother's funeral. I can almost guarantee that while our varied life experiences have left us with varied maturity levels, I certainly do not come out on the short side. Ask my rheumatologist. I have experienced many things that people twice my age are still waiting for. But I'll still be asked just to bring potato chips to the potluck and more often than not be patronized by those who are married and think that they can out-Martha me just because they happen to have a husband and/or children living with them while they play house. I'm having plenty of fun playing house by myself without any help from Ms. Stewart or her followers. My DIY projects might not garner as much gushing and ooh's and aah's since I'm the only one who sees them, but I can sew and crochet and DIY better than a lot of married folks, and I'm a lot more interesting than quite a few of them, to boot. I also didn't have to stop appreciating childish things like park swings and cartoons. You don't have to be serious to be mature, folks.
#6: A Woman Should Be ________
Go ahead and fill in the blank. I wouldn't exactly call myself a feminist, but I wouldn't say I'm not one, either. Other than "kind" and "respectful of all living things and all viewpoints", I really can't think of too many things I think that any one person should be. People who are their own people make other people uncomfortable.
I want to be more than just a pretty girl. I don't need to be rescued.
No comments:
Post a Comment